O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
