Me too!
My cat gives me a boner
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
