bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
