I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Bring me that man meat
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
