omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
