we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
