John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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