from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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