honey bunches of taint.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Sorry my hands just texted you
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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