turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
