Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
