i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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