I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
