What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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