the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
