dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
