I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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