Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
