found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
