He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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