One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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