So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
