your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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