Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
