Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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