Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
