so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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