Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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