xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
