Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
People in love make me want to vomit
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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