last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
