WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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