fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
