i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Randomize
