I got chris browned last night
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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