you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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