Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
