i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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