Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
