She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
