She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
