I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
