ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
