He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
