I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
