I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
no, he came in my armpit
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
