Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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