i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
