yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
