Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
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