I don't think brook has ever known best
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
