If that was your dad, he is hot
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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